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Dedicate Time for Friends to Avoid Perpetual Catch-Ups

December 17, 2014



Dedicate Time for Friends to Avoid Perpetual Catch-Ups

We meet new people as we try out new workplaces, social activities, and hobbies. It’s natural to want to divide your time among all these people, but not all of them provide the same fulfillment and joy that you get from spending time with close friends.

Dedicate more time to your close friends to keep those relationships strong. Those close friends are probably as close as anyone will get to them, even as we all meet more people over time. Writer Tim Urban shares on Wait But Why:

But in the case of most people over 25—at least in New York—I think A) not enough time is carved out as dedicated friend time, and B) the time that is carved out is spread too thin, and too evenly, among the Tier 1 and Tier 2 friendships in all four quadrants. I’m definitely guilty of this myself.

There’s something I call the Perpetual Catch-Up Trap. When you haven’t seen a good friend in a long time, the first order of business is a big catch-up—you want to know what’s going on in their career, with their girlfriend, with their family, etc., and they want to catch up on your life. In theory, once this happens, you can go back to just hanging out, shooting the shit, and actually being in the friendship. The problem is, when you don’t make enough time for good friends, seeing them only for a meal and not that often—you end up spending each get-together catching up, and you never actually get to just enjoy the friendship or get far past the surface. That’s the Perpetual Catch-Up Trap, and I find myself falling into it with way too many of the rocks in my life.

To re-ignite old friendships, take some time from acquaintances and weak ties, and spend it with people who you already share healthy and enjoyable friendships with.

10 Types of Odd Friendships You’re Probably Part Of | Wait But Why

Photo by bonjerdo.

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